Weary (but not of my children) and Blessed

I'm becoming weary of the comments and stares that I am often getting now that I am visibly pregnant with four, and have three little ones in tow.

The sad thing is these comments are not limited to public places where you encounter all manner of people with all sorts of opinions, but this (sort of anti-child) mindset is finding me even among Christian fellowship, and shockingingly from other small children! Believe it or not, a small child from a Chrisitan family approached me the other day and asked "Are you having another baby?" When I smiled and replied "Yes!" his response was "Not again!".

Even the most good-natured and godly people tend to make me or my husband feel slightly ashamed to not be "planning" or "spacing" and at the worst extreme we have those who think we are downright irresponsible.

Let's be clear: it's not that we just enjoy pregnancy and nursing and toddlerhood SO much. And it isn't exactly a cup of tea to be training and schooling and (mostly) chasing small children all day. I don't enjoy spending my day being clawed at, jumped on, and clung to (although I do enjoy cuddling with my children in reasonable amounts!).

While parenting is definitely rewarding, most of the time it is just plain hard. And the idea that someone would assume we have a child roughly every 18 months because we're either stupid or irresponsible or lazy is a bit annoying. Considering how easy and convenient it is to use birth control, why would anyone sign up for the four, four and under situation we're in right now? We're not stupid, and we're generally not irresponsible, and with four kids in the house who can be lazy?
So maybe it's because we are trying the best we can to obey God and reflect His Son in our marriage and family. And if that means obeying him in an area that makes us completely counter-cultural, even in the church, than so be it.

When we came to this conviction, before we were married, it was still an unknown. We could've been infertile for all we knew. The point was to accept God's will, either way. I freely admit that having three babies in five years (soon to be four) has certainly caused my faith to waver--I've even had doubts about whether or not this is truly a "blessing". But I definitely refuse the torture of deciding for myself and never knowing what lessons, and trials, and blessings I missed because of my refusal to submit to God when His Spirit spoke to me about this issue.

Every single day is another opportunity to die to self and obey God, and serve. Every single pregancy is a little death for me. If I had control I would sure do it differently, but I'm just not convinced, (no matter how many well meaning talks we get) that I'm the one that is meant to be in control.

Where did we get this in control attitude if not from the idea of birth control and abortion!? If we can end life or avoid life, than why not decide when it begins, too? In fact, the control issue has been extended into *self-righteousness* for some people who would look down on others for *not* controlling their family size. Which we sometimes experience first hand.

The fact is, children force us to surrender our me-first, entitlement, I-have-rights-and-needs, and I-want-control attitudes. To put it plainly, children force us to grow up. How many full grown adults do you know who still act and live like they are teenagers? I know a few, and would probably be one, given my own way.

As far as I can see in Scripture, God was the one who gave or took away fertility. There is no mandate, not even a hazy, gray statement with the possibilty of extrapolation that translates to: thou shalt control thy family size, not even a: the wise man considers and plans how many children he can handle.
God used infertility as a tool to punish nations and individuals, and fertility as a means to bless them.

And I believe it. Nearly every developed nation in our modern world has chosen to be barren, and as a result some desperate governments are now trying to *pay* people to have children (i.e. Germany and Austrailia). Elderly people in Japan utilize rent-a-family services because they don't have enough of their own family to keep them company in their final years. How tragic is that picture?

As far as I can see God meant for marriage and children to naturally go together. He gave no natural means for avoiding this fact other than abstinence, which is not hightly recommended for a married couple, but if you must, only for short times, according to Paul. And what is the reason he gives for marital abstinence? Is it to prevent an unwanted pregnancy? No that's not what he says, he doesn't even mention how that's a nice side benefit. Marital abstinence is, apparently, for prayer.

"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 1 Cor. 7:5
And is this a mandate? No Paul says "I say this as a concession, not as a command."
(1 Cor. 7:6)

I'm becoming more aware that there is a group of people out there who idolize the "quiverful" idea. They elevate large families, and an anti-all planning mentality onto a pedestal. For some it's probably become a "work" that they offer up to God to make themselves more acceptable, and some have been caught up in legalism in this area. I hope, by the grace of God, we will never fall into that trap.
This is certainly not a "work" that I feel makes me more acceptable to God. If anything this "work" exposes how ugly my sin really is, how quick it is to surface, and how often I need His grace every day.

This is really an area where every family needs to go to God and seek His face. While there are some obvious black and white areas, the fact is God can and will glorify Himself in each family differently. I don't think we should or could all look the same.

When we receive advice from people we deeply respect, we go again to Scripture, we prayerfully consider what God's will could be, if we could have erred, if He really *didn't* convict us about letting him have the reigns in this area.
Maybe we were mistaken.

And there's maybe a point where God will lead us to do something different. Although I would really prefer if He would do it Himself.

Until then the comments and interjected opinions when from all appearances we 1)aren't losing it 2)don't have any health problems 3)aren't struggling financially and 4)are a young and growing family, catch me off guard quite a bit. Actually most of the time they hurt. Like someone is seeking to destroy the blessing God has given us by encouraging us to cut off our family while it's still young.

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." Phil 2:12-13.

I believe God is acting according to His good purpose in our family, and it often feels like other people are trampling on His blessing and His working in us by trampling on our children or our "projected" children.

As Christians, we can't have it all. We are called as disciples of Christ to take up our cross and follow Him. What that means will be different and unique for everyone. For us, it meant sacrificing our time, money, dreams, self-centered goals, and I suppose the good opinion of others, in order to follow Christ.
Extreme individualism and materialism are completely incompatible with Christianity, but it seems like many people, even many Christians are advocating just a little bit of each, when they warn us about too many children (because the main reasons are financial or personal, such as "how can you afford private lessons, and put them through college?" or "you have to think of yourself, first").

When I stop to think about what else I would be doing right now if I didn't have all these kids at my ankles, my previous dreams and goals seem pretty empty and meaningless in comparison with obedience to God, a closer relationship with Him, and the opportunity to raise up (and be humbled by) children, who, Lord-willing, will become godly men and women, who will someday, Lord-willing, come to know Jesus as their Lord and Saviour and help to advance His kingdom.

Here's some good reading:
http://makinghome.blogspot.com/2008/09/some-subtle-effects-of-birth-control.html
http://makinghome.blogspot.com/2007/10/marriage-without-children.html